I've spent a lifetime convincing men not to leave me. I've pleaded, begged, cried and prayed. I've manipulated and controlled. I have equated his presence as my worth but today, I chose differently.
Today, the man I love made moves to leave me and for the first time, I didn't try to stop him. I shared my feelings and asked him to consider and reflect on his own. I felt no fear but wave of peace. Do not get me wrong, tears flowed and my heart aches. I don't not want this man to leave me but equally I do not want him to stay if his heart isn't in it.
I will not beg this man to stay nor run first to preserve false dignity. I will stay rooted in the knowledge of who I am. In love with myself. The goddess of my soul. The queen of my kingdom.
In the past I've left men for my own survival and felt that pull of pain and choke of dread only trumped by a slither of self preservation getting me to emotionally run as fast as I could away from the relationship.
To the man preparing to leave;
My darling, if you choose to leave then go. Go and stay gone. Don't call me in 6 months time about the mistake you made. Don't text me Hi, how are you? To see how I am, because you gave up your right to know when you left.
Make the decision. Make it final. I will not wait for you.
And to the man who chooses to stay;
I know that love brought you here but I need you to choose whole-heartedly to stay every day.
And know I will love you fiercely, honour and support you. Hold you, lift you and know you. I will be your partner, advocate, lover, friend and your queen.
I need a King. I know how to rule alone. If I choose you to rule by my side, I need you to choose me too.
If you choose me daily
If you choose me daily...
I want to travel the world and get lost with you. I want to find safety in your arms. I want to make you laugh in seven languages and kiss you under every tree I see.
I want hold your hand across bridges and bathe in moonlight by your side.
I want drink in joy and gratitude, run on beaches and bake in the sun.
I want to know that when you look at me, in every time zone, on every continent, you choose me and know I choose you.
So here I stay. Fire blazing. Flag planted. Crown intact. I am ready for you.
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